Safety Isn’t Always Comfortable and That’s Okay
Have you ever been in a situation where everything was technically safe, but your body was still bracing or screaming “no no no”? Maybe you were getting a hug you didn’t ask for. Maybe someone was being too nice and your whole nervous system didn’t trust it. Maybe you were doing something brave and healing and it just felt weird.
Welcome to the difference between safety and comfort.
We talk about this a lot in cuddle therapy because it shows up all the time. Our bodies have layers of experience, history, trauma, conditioning, and preference and sometimes those layers are in conflict. The goal isn’t always to feel comfy. The goal is to feel real and regulated enough to stay present and choose.
Safety vs Comfort
Safety is about being free from harm. It’s foundation is based in trust, clarity, communication, and mutual respect.
Comfort, though? That’s more about familiarity. And sometimes what’s familiar to us, especially if we have trauma, touch deprivation, or body shame, doesn’t feel good or safe. It just feels known.
This is why, in healing work, people sometimes freak out a little when something finally is safe. The body doesn’t recognize it yet. It’s unfamiliar. It stretches our capacity and that stretch can feel vulnerable or even uncomfortable.
What We Do With That in Cuddle Therapy
In my practice, we slow down. We talk about this difference out loud. We build touch experiences layer by layer, so your body can catch up to what your mind might already know: You are safe now.
Sometimes, a client will say, “This feels awkward,” or “I feel like I should like this, but I don’t yet.” And that’s so valid. It means your system is doing its job. It means we’re not rushing. It means you’re rebuilding your sense of safety from the inside out.
The absence of activation, noticing when your nervous system is not bracing and it’s often the first real signal of safety. That could feel weird at first.
Questions to Explore:
When have I felt safe but not comfortable?
When have I felt comfortable but not actually safe?
What does my body do when it starts to feel safe?
Can I stay with discomfort long enough to find out if something new is possible?
Healing isn’t always cozy. But it can be kind. The difference between safety and comfort isn’t always easy to sit with, but it’s a compass. And in cuddle therapy, we follow it with patience, presence, and a lot of deep breaths.
You’re allowed to be uncomfortable and safe.
You’re allowed to go slow.
You’re allowed to learn what safety feels like for you
