How to Find the Right Platonic Touch Practitioner For You
I have been asked by many: How can I find a platonic touch practitioner?
Regardless of the style of practice, the kind of practitioner I always recommend is one who is certified by a reputable organization, explains the anatomy of a session, holds excellent boundaries and mirrors consent while being direct but non-judgmental; is open-minded and willing to allow people to ask for what they want without shaming them. It is also helpful if they have knowledge of different cuddle positions, intimacy and recognize their own limitations.
It goes further than just making sure the practitioner is all of these things listed above. The relationship between the client and the practitioner is at the heart of this healing, therapeutic modality. Similar to finding the right key that will unlock vulnerability and potentially open the process up to healing. However, you must first understand what you are in search of before you start.
There have been many times people new to platonic touch walk into my office unsure of why they are there, arms folded across their chest, feeling apprehensive, scared, and possibly harboring a little shame. There is nothing “wrong” with not knowing what to expect. Most people only dimly question “What is it I hope to gain from this experience?” and typically they have no idea what to ask the practitioner. All they know for sure, is they feel bad and lonely.
Self-Reflection Time
Respond to these questions.
Why platonic touch therapy and why now?
What would you like to focus on?
What is your desired outcome?
Do you want to nurture or be nurtured?
What do you expect from your practitioner?
What have been your experiences with touch so far? What felt good? What did not feel good?
What type of touch do you like? Soft air-like or firm pressure?
Does vulnerability make you uncomfortable?
Here is an incredible list that Keeley Shoup with Chicago Cuddle Therapy created to help her clients identify what they might want during a session.
Your Cuddle therapy session can have different shapes, according to your needs and boundaries.
These are the main needs for which people come to Chicago Cuddle Therapy:
- I want to relax and forget my problems and the stress from my day-to-day life.
- I want, for a moment, to be the one being taken care of instead of me taking care of everyone all the time.
- I want to explore different kinds of touch and cuddles and find out my preferences.
- I want to work on my personal growth and learn to affirm myself more, to better communicate, and be more at ease with other people.
- I want to feel close to someone else, connected to another human being.
- I want a space where I can talk about all my problems and worries and be listened to, without any judgment.
- I want a safe and non-judgmental space where I can talk about difficult subjects and live my deep and intense emotions.
- I want to learn to appreciate physical contact despite my autism spectrum or antisocial personality disorders.
- I want to relearn how to appreciate physical contact despite my post-traumatic stress disorder.
- I want to relearn how to respect my own boundaries towards physical contact despite my post-traumatic stress disorder.
Now about you, what do you need?"
Cost: Hourly, Packages, Sliding Scale, Barter
So, you are skin hungry, void of intimacy, lacking human connection but cannot afford to create economic strain to get your needs met?
Never fear! You have options! Sessions go from about $60-$200 per hour depending on where you live, the practitioner’s overhead expenses, and how much training the practitioner has acquired. There are also social events around touch. Unfortunately, health care insurance and *HSAs do not cover sessions. However, many practitioners offer discount opportunities.
If you do not mind meeting in a group setting, then Cuddle Party events might be an option for you. For about $30, trained and certified Cuddle Party Facilitators guild you in different games around consent, getting comfortable saying “no” and asking for what you want and do not want. The group events are a way to socialize, have meaningful conversations, and get touch and affection, only if you want. Nobody ever has to give or receive touch.
Individual session options such as bulk-package-pricing, sliding scale, bartering, and other discounts are sometimes available. For instance, I offer memberships and packages. If you purchase a 4/ 8/ 12 session package then you will save 10/ 15/ 20%. In addition, I offer a sliding scale for people with disabilities and they pay what they can. I also barter with other practitioners, therapists, and other people to provide them with touch. As Mary Sorenen with Mary Cuddler in Salt Lake City, UT says, “What can you offer?”
Make sure you ask the practitioner during the consultation if they have a referral program, discount packages, sliding scale or bartering options.
I also recommend people test out two or three practitioners to get a sense of how differently each work from one another. You can even ask for different things such as a session more focused on eye gazing or talking about relationships or even no talking at all and just holding. Then determine which you prefer.
Locate a Practitioner
Finding a practitioner can be difficult and finding someone who is certified is even more difficult. It is important you ask direct questions and get clarity before scheduling a session.
Did the practitioner talk about hygiene and attire?
Did they talk to you about what happens if you get aroused? What should happen? How do they approach it? If they are too embarrassed to talk about it then chances are it will embarrass you too.
Does the practitioner have experience working with your particular issues? Trauma, grief, anxiety, addiction, burnout? It is important you work with someone who is sensitive to your problems if you want to talk about them.
Does the practitioner have any biases or boundaries around the issue?
If you are working with a psychotherapist and want to move into a triadic model, is the practitioner open to communicating with your psychotherapist? This might be at an extra cost.
If you identify as LGBTQA+, would it be beneficial to work with someone who has experience with LGBTQA+? Of course, this is a personal preference.
Ask how long they have been practicing, what kind of certifications and training they have, and which company they were certified through.
Share your answers from the Self-Reflection questions.
Given the platonic touch industry is unregulated, the one thing you can do is make sure the practitioner is certified. Some reputable certification companies are Cuddle Sanctuary, Certified Cuddlers, Cuddlist, and my own opening in October 2020, Platonic Touch Academy. Although in my experience I prefer instructor-led training because of the camaraderie with other students and sharing and learning from each other; either type of training is better than no training at all. Training dissects the different types of boundaries, and different models of consent and helps the practitioner to understand what holding space is and is not. It should also teach the practitioner about different positions and the anatomy of a session.
At the end of some programs, practitioners are confronted with potential situations they may encounter while in real-life sessions and how to stay safe. The practitioner will then need to demonstrate, through session evaluations, what they’ve learned and to make sure they can implement it properly. In my evaluations with Cuddle Sanctuary, I was confronted with a client who was on the spectrum, however, that information was not shared with me. In my evaluation with Cuddlist, my “client”, who is also a certified Cuddlist, commented on how I had a “great ass” to see how I would handle it. These situations were very helpful.
You may want to know the practitioners on a more personal basis as it makes them feel they have a closer relationship.
Some practitioners may not want to share their personal experiences with you. It is up to the practitioner to decide what is appropriate to share when responding. I notice when I see clients, they seem to feel more comfortable with me holding space for them when I have shared a little about my experiences. Showing my vulnerable side, makes them feel safe to share and open up about their experiences. For some, platonic touch is stigmatized, and allowing a stranger to touch you and you touch them is a bizarre practice.
Please note, Platonic Touch Practitioners are not bound by HIPPA or any privacy acts or confidentiality laws. It is a good idea to discuss the practitioner’s ethical standards around your privacy. Questions such as: Who will see your intake forms? Can anyone hear what they are saying in the meeting space? Do they talk to anyone about the sessions? Will they share details about your personal life with other people? If they see you at a restaurant or event, will they say hello or will they wait for you to approach them? Most people do not talk about their cuddling, coaching or platonic touch therapy habits and would be completely mortified to be outed in front of their friends or family.
How’d Your First Session Go?
In your first session you want to be comfortable and at ease. You want to feel the practitioner is welcoming, has empathy, understanding of your needs, and can clearly communicate back to you what you want. Did they answer all your questions and put your concerns at ease? They should have patience and not rush you to touch if you are not ready.
Was your practitioner active or passive? Did you like their approach? Some practitioners like to hold client-led sessions where the client asks for what they want and calls the shots. Other practitioners prefer to guide the client by asking questions and suggesting specific positions, topics of discussion, or relaxation techniques. Above all, your practitioner must hold you to the agreed-upon boundaries.
It may take a few sessions before you can confidently evaluate if the practitioner is right for you. However, at some point, you want to feel heard, seen, loving acceptance, safe, and that your needs are being met.
*HAS: Health Saving Account works with a health plan that has a high deductible. You can save money in your HSA account before taxes and use the funds to pay for eligible health care expenses. HSAs can also help you save for retirement when you can use the funds to pay for general living expenses without penalty.
