What New Research Reveals About Professional Cuddling
If you’ve ever wondered what actually makes cuddle therapy feel so safe, suprise suprise, it’s consent.
A new peer-reviewed study on professional cuddling looked closely at how practitioners create consensual, platonic affection and what happens when boundaries wobble. The researchers interviewed cuddlers across several countries (10 months to 10 years of experience) and mapped out the real, practical communication skills that keep this work safe, clear, and healing.
What they found matches what I see every day in session: when we lead with consent and steady communication, touch becomes a language of care, leaving less space for confusion.
What the study says
Researchers identified three core practices that help sessions feel mutual and safe: setting expectations, inquiring, and deconstructing “no.” They also named four kinds of boundary challenges that can show up: disquietude (something feels “off”), overstimulation (physiological arousal), transference (romantic/sexual feelings toward the practitioner), and severe breaches (rare, but serious).
Here’s how that translates to the room:
1) Setting expectations
Before touch starts, we talk. Clear codes of conduct, what’s allowed, what isn’t, what to wear, what to do if emotions come up, how erections are handled (briefly: we don’t shame, we redirect, and we keep it platonic). When expectations are clear, everyone’s nervous system can settle.
2) Inquiring (and asking again)
Consent is ongoing, not one-and-done. We ask, “Would a hand-hold feel supportive?” and we keep asking as things shift. “Still good to stay like this?” “Want to change positions?” That steady check-in builds trust and helps both of us stay present and honest.
3) Deconstructing “no”
Many people were taught that “no” is rude or unsafe. In session, we practice “no” as relational care: “no” to the action, not the person. Hearing and saying “no” without rupture is one of the most healing muscles we build together.
When boundaries wobble (and what we do)
The study names four patterns that can appear. You might recognize some of these:
Disquietude: something feels “off” or confusing. We slow down, get curious, and clarify motives (“What are you hoping this touch will give you right now?”).
Overstimulation: arousal happens. We don’t shame; we adjust position, pause, or redirect to keep the experience firmly platonic and regulated.
Transference: feelings get attached to the professional relationship. We normalize the tenderness, reinforce boundaries, and, when helpful, bring in a talk therapist.
Severe breaches: rare, but taken seriously. Clear policies, screening, and safety protocols exist for a reason.
Why this matters for clients
Affection deprivation is common and can be painful. Many people arrive touch-starved, anxious, or unsure how to ask for care. The study cites cuddle therapy within Affection Exchange Theory and highlights how structured, consent-led touch can meet real biopsychosocial needs without confusing intimacy with romance or sex.
In my practice, this looks like:
Slow, step-by-step consent
Clear talk before touch
Options (hand-holding, leaning, side-by-side, back-to-back)
Check-ins and changes whenever you want
No pressure to “like” anything as your body gets to decide at its own pace
Where bidirectional therapeutic touch fits
I use a bidirectional therapeutic touch model, meaning touch is consensual, mutual, and co-created. Clients often worry, “I don’t want to engage in two-way touch if you don’t want it.” That’s the point of our communication: shared yeses only. Touch is never performative; it’s relational. When both people are present, consenting, and benefiting, touch becomes easier to trust.
Two reflection prompts
Where in your life would practicing a kind “no” create more safety?
What kind of touch feels supportive right now, and how would you ask for it?
If you’re curious about what this could look like for you, I’m here. We can go slow, talk first, and let your system lead.
