When Giving Feels Like Connection

In one of my recent sessions, a client shared something that stayed with me long after they drove the three hours back home.

We had moved into a position called “Frog,” where I gently straddled them on my knees, head resting on their chest. They began softly rubbing my hair and scalp; an offering of care that, to both of us, felt deeply grounding and safe. My weight on their body created a comforting pressure. Their hands in my hair created something else: peace.

Later, they wrote:

“That space and time was just so peaceful and it was like all was right with the world. It helped me realize that when it's time for me to find a new life partner, I desire someone who is open to me giving like that and is appreciative of it.”

Now, based on The Wheel of Consent, they were not actually giving to me as I did not ask them to touch me in that way. They were actually in the take quandrant as they asked if they could have that experience. I of course allowed it and it was a wonderful experienc for both of us. That is why I do this work.

In a world that often puts pressure on what we get, there is something powerful about simply being allowed to give, to offer affection, care, touch, and have it not just tolerated, but welcomed.

They told me it hadn't always been easy to touch in past relationships. Their touch had sometimes been misinterpreted or shut down. There were times that what they gave in goodness, it wasn’t always met with gratitude or warmth. Yet, in this moment, something clicked: “Thank you for receiving and being appreciative of what I was able to give to you.”

Receiving is not passive.

In cuddle therapy, receiving is an active practice. It requires presence, self-awareness, and a deep permission to simply be. When I leaned into them with my head on their chest, I wasn’t just offering my weight, I was offering my trust, my enjoyment, and my own act of receiving.

It is why I talk about bidirectional therapeutic touch and that it is touch that goes both ways. It’s not one-way care. It’s not performance. It’s a shared experience where both people are fully consenting and fully present. Touch flows both ways, and both client and practitioner are invited to feel good in it. To feel nourished. To feel human.

Many clients worry about this. They say things like, “I don’t want to touch you if you don’t like it.” or “Are you sure this is okay?” That’s exactly why I talk so openly about consent and mutuality.

I don’t just allow you to touch me but I invite it, when it’s mutually agreed upon.

When touch is positive and good for both of us, the nervous system can relax into something deeper than comfort. It can rest in connection.

This client also shared:

“When you took my hand and put your head on my shoulder and started caressing my arm... it was a beautiful invitation.”

Bidirectional therapeutic touch and cuddle therapy feels like a beautiful invitation to be received also receiving someone else’s care. We are exploring what it means to feel safe, to feel good, and to offer that same goodness in return.

People learn to give without being received or receive without believing they can also give. However, in this space, we unlearn those messages. We practice mutuality. We co-create tenderness that is honest, clear, and shared.

Touch doesn’t have to be complicated but it does have to be honest. When your affection is received, when your tenderness is welcomed, it can feel like all is right with the world.