Figuring Out Your Boundaries and Why They Matter and How to Set Them
Let’s talk about boundaries—those invisible lines we draw to protect our energy, our peace, and our sense of safety. They’re not just nice to have; they’re essential. Yet, many of us grow up without even knowing what boundaries are, much less how to set them. I wasn’t taught about boundaries growing up, and for the longest time, I felt like I was being "difficult" if I ever tried to express them. Fun fact: I wasn’t.
Here’s the thing about boundaries—they’re not rigid rules, but more like guidelines that help us navigate relationships. They help us say, "This feels good," or "This doesn’t feel safe," and that’s powerful. Unfortunately, many people still think that setting boundaries makes them selfish or, worse, cold-hearted. But here’s the truth: boundaries are one of the most loving things you can give yourself and others.
In sessions with bidirectional therapeutic touch, boundaries become more than a concept—they're something you actively learn to set and adjust. This practice helps you to create a space where you can literally feel safe enough to say, "This is what I’m okay with," and then change that if you need to. There’s no judgment. You’re not "wishy-washy" for changing your mind. You’re not a “jerk” for saying, "This doesn’t work for me." You’re practicing agency over your body, your feelings, and your experiences—and that’s freedom.
But ok, let’s get real. Setting a boundary isn’t always going to make people happy. In fact, some people might hate it. You’ll have to deal with the fallout, and that can be tough. The person you set a boundary with might decide they don’t want to be around you anymore, they could lash out, or even call you names. You might lose people over it. That’s the hard truth about boundaries: they protect you, but they can also cause friction. So, be prepared for what might come. Upholding your boundaries is worth it, but it can be a challenging road.
The good news is what you learn in sessions carries over to real life. The confidence to say no when you need to, or to ask for what you want with friends, family, coworkers, and even complete strangers. Boundary-setting is a muscle, and the more you use it, the stronger it gets.
I know firsthand what it feels like to not have that muscle. I spent decades thinking I had to go with the flow, even if it made me uncomfortable. But through cuddle therapy and eventually bidirectional therapeutic touch, I realized that boundaries are necessary for me to feel safe. I can change them as often as I need. And that’s the key—your boundaries are yours. You get to set them. You get to change them. No one else.
Now, something to think about: Do you find yourself constantly drained after interacting with certain people? Are you saying yes to things you really want to say no to? Or, on the flip side, are you setting up so many boundaries that you're pushing people away? Boundaries should protect your well-being, but they also need to leave room for connection.
So, consider these questions:
Are you feeling respected in your relationships?
Are your boundaries based on your needs, or are they reactions to fear or hurt?
Are there moments where easing up might allow for more trust or vulnerability?
Boundaries aren’t just important—they’re necessary. Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for setting them. They're what keep us grounded, respected, and ultimately, connected to the people and experiences that truly matter.
