How I Handle Loneliness on Thanksgiving
Holidays can be tender if you are single, do not have kids, or your kids are with their other parent. I feel it too. When my boys are at their dad’s for Thanksgiving, the quiet in my house gets loud. I grew up the youngest in a Mexican family, then spent years celebrating with my former in-laws in DC. After the divorce, most of those invitations faded. It stung. I leaned into my friend group because being alone on a family-centered holiday can feel like standing outside looking in.
This year, I asked the girls group what they were doing. One of my single mom friends invited the kids and me over. The simple act felt like beautiful acceptance. Not everyone feels comfortable asking. It took me practice, a bunch of tries, and a deep desire to not spend the day swallowed by loneliness. If that is not you right now, I get it, and you’re not doing it wrong.
Let’s name it
If you are alone on Thanksgiving, by choice or not, it is normal to feel sad, lonely, angry, or numb. You might wish you had a big loving crew to laugh with while someone burns the rolls. You might miss the kids, a partner, a parent, or the version of you who used to have plans on this day. Nothing is wrong with you for wanting company.
If asking feels possible
Text one friend and be direct: “Do you have room at your table? If not, do you want to get pie with me and take a walk later?”
Suggest merging plans. Two small groups can make one cozy table.
Ask for specific help: “Can you hold space for me for 10 minutes today? I just need to be heard.” Holding space means they listen, do not fix, and do not make it about them.
If you prefer a solo day
You are allowed to craft a day that fits your energy.
Order your favorite takeout and make it an intentional ritual. Plate it nicely. Put on a movie you love. Pour your favorite drink.
Get outside. A quiet walk or short hike can help your body move some of the ache.
Call someone just to say hi. No need for the whole story. Connection in small sips still counts.
Volunteer in a way that feels doable. Soup kitchen, sandwich drop-offs, or writing cards to seniors. Giving can soften the edges of the day without erasing your feelings.
If the feelings swell
Set a timer for a 5-minute cry or journal burst. Let it out, then give yourself water and a few slow breaths with a hand on your chest.
Make a “comfort stack”: warm shower, soft clothes, weighted blanket or a firm pillow hug, and music that steadies you.
Limit scrolling if it spikes FOMO. Curate your intake for the day.
For parents who share custody
If your kids are away and the house feels wrong, try a small ritual. Light a candle for them at mealtime, send a quick “thinking of you” text without expecting a reply, or plan a mini Thanksgiving when they are back or before they leave. Your family can be out of sync with the calendar and still be real.
If you want support with the loneliness
Touch deprivation and holiday grief often travel together. In my practice, sessions are consent led and pressure free. Sometimes what helps is simple: sitting side by side, holding a hand for one minute with a timer, or a quiet cuddle with lots of check-ins. You set the pace. You choose the yes. You can bring your tenderness without having to perform.
However you spend the day, please remember: you are allowed to want more connection, you are allowed to ask, you are allowed to choose quiet, and you are allowed to do the day your way.
