Why Receiving Touch Can Feel So Complicated & How to Embrace It
What does it mean to receive touch? For me, it means allowing myself to find my “yes,” especially since my default is usually a firm “no” when it comes to strangers or acquaintances touching me. It’s about breaking through the barriers I’ve built around touch—barriers rooted in the fear of vulnerability or the belief that I have to give something back in return.
Receiving pleasurable touch can stir up complicated feelings. There’s often looming guilt, a voice whispering, If I take this, I need to offer something in exchange. But here’s the truth: touch doesn’t have to come with strings attached. It doesn’t need to be transactional. It can simply exist as a moment of comfort, relaxation, or connection. And yet, sometimes I still struggle with the idea of deserving it.
Touch isn’t always freely given. For so many of us, touch has been tied to expectations—if someone touches us, it’s because they want something, or we owe them something. That history can make it hard to simply receive, without the weight of obligation or guilt.
I’ve learned that receiving touch requires more than just saying “yes.” It’s about allowing myself to fully accept what’s being offered, to embrace the moment without questioning whether I deserve it. It’s about understanding that nurturing, comforting touch is a basic human need, not something I have to earn.
In my practice, I see this struggle reflected in my clients. Many come to me with the same hesitations, carrying the same guilt or fears I’ve felt. They ask, Is it okay to enjoy this? Do I have to give something back? My answer is always the same: Yes, it’s okay to enjoy this. And no, you don’t owe me anything.
Touch is a gift we give ourselves. It’s a reminder that we are worthy of care, comfort, and connection, simply because we exist. Learning to receive touch without guilt or hesitation is a journey, but it’s one worth taking. Because when we allow ourselves to fully receive, we open the door to deeper healing, connection, and understanding—not just with others, but with ourselves.
